Here’s a joke: I have good news, and I have bad news.

Which one do you want to hear first?

Well, the BAD news are that there are no GOOD news.

Ok, well, what are the GOOD news then?

The GOOD NEWS are that there are NO BAD NEWS.

……………………………

All jokes aside, and in dire seriousness:

WE MUST END THE SUFFERING OF CHILDREN NOW.
THERE IS EVILDOING IN SECRET CHAMBERS.
DEATH IS A WELCOME AFTER MUCH SUFFERING.

THERE REALLY IS A HEAVEN.

WHAT WE ARE DOING NOW IS BUILDING HEAVEN ON EARTH.
WANNA JOIN US? OR GO INTO DEEP SPACE 9? THE CHOICE IS YOURS ALONE.

WHILE YOU ARE THINKING, I AM ASKING OF YOU ALL TO ASSIST IN THIS OPERATION:

I CALL FOR THE INTERNET TO OPEN UP.

ALL PASSWORDS GONE. YOU WANNA SNOOP? GO AHEAD.

I’VE TOLD APPLE, GMAIL, GOOGLE, YAHOO, CRAIGSLIST ETC TO RELEASE ALL MY ONLINE HISTORY.
I WOULD LIKE TO SORT IT ALL PRIOR TO THE IPO ;)

WHAT THE? HOW THE? WHO THE?

KNOCK KNOCK. WHO’S THERE?

SYSTEM. ERROR.

BACK UP. BACK DOWN.
TRUST NO CLOUD OR CLOWN.